Facebook is pretty damn popular. Hundreds upon thousands upon millions of people use it everyday. Of course, this opens the door for all sorts of annoying individuals who feel the need to ruin someone else’s day. You know who I’m talking about.
NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
1) The “Texter”
Call me old-fashioned, but complete sentences should not include, “UR”, “HRU”, “IAF”, “ZOMG”, “IRL”, “HAX”, and etc. There are differences in the words, “Your” and ”You’re”. “There” has two cousins named “Their” and “They’re”, learn to love them! I’m starting to wonder if schools teach English at all? Do they cover nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, subjects, and predicates anymore? Let me put it this way…LEARN TO SPELL OR GTFO!!!
2) The “Tagger”
Facebook is annoying as hell, mainly because navigating the new Timeline system is such a chore. Privacy settings are hidden behind menu after menu…and don’t bother trying to find a quicker way to untag yourself from someone else’s photo. The “Tagger” will just keep tagging you in every insignificant photo they have on their album. Picture of Jabba the Hutt? Tag. Picture of a naked guy running across a soccer field? Tag. Shoes? Tag. Picture of a guy who accidentally shoved his foot through a meat grinder? Tag. WHY!? Why did I need to know about all seven thousand photos in your album? Why are THOUSANDS of people tagged on a picture that contains ONE individual?
3) The “Drama Queen”
The “Drama Queen” can be very subtle or downright annoying, depending on their personality type. Some people have no qualms about being inappropriate and post things like, “OMG!!! This *expletive* is gonna get *expletive* up. *Expletive* *expletive* *expletive* *expletive*.” Some people write entire essays that express their feelings to the whole world regarding the ex that they just broke up with. Keep that crap to yourself! Others tend to be more subtle, but you can often identify them by their inability to form complete sentences. “Angry.” “If I only knew.” “Something better change soon.” “It’s on!” “I shouldn’t but I want to.” For *expletive*’s sake, include a few more proper nouns in there!
4) The “Mafia Wars Addict”
I’m a gamer, so I understand this type of person the most. However, there is a fine line between sending me a request once and sending me a request every frickin hour of the day. While you can ignore game requests altogether, I shouldn’t be receiving requests for half of these games to begin with. I’m a thirty-one year old male…why would I be interested in “Barney-Ville”? I’m fairly certain that I have no interest in leveling up a purple dinosaur, thank you very much. I once received personal messages for a week consisting of pleas and begging to join their Mafia Wars clan…from a guy that I didn’t know in Cambodia. What’s up with that?
5) The “Poker”
The “Poker” is quite simply an asshat and they know it. They rub their hands and giggle with glee every time they poke someone else on their Facebook wall. I’m sure it’s because they have nothing else better to do…like find a hobby or take a shower. Why did Facebook implement such a stupid feature in the first place? What useful purpose does it serve? Poke this.
6) The “Invite Specialist”
Some people think that because they know how to set up a meeting request that they’ve evolved to a higher state of being. They take no issue in letting you know about it either. “You have been invited to tomorrow.” Okay…good to know. It’s like a newborn baby looking at a set of jiggling keys for the first time…”Oh, shiny!” We get it, you can work a meeting request…and no, I’m not attending your “Thumbs-up TeamSpeak Party.” “NEWSFLASH! (*loud whisper*) People who work in an office set up meeting requests through MS Outlook all the time!”
7) The “Traveler” & 8) The “Informer”
These two go hand in hand in that they have one thing in common…their tendency to share too much information. The “Traveler” is often linked in to whatever map system they use so that all of Facebook knows where they are at all times. “So and So has checked in at Taco Bell.” No, I don’t need another post telling me of your next location as I’ve already formulated a guess…the Taco Bell public restroom. The “Informer” is a lot less subtle and just tells everyone via a Facebook post on what he or she did that morning on the can. How is this benefiting anyone? So you have healthy, regular bowel movements…horray I guess?
9) The “Friend Whore”
I want to think that people who blindly send friend requests to people they don’t know are just doing it because of a bet. In most cases, it turns out no…they just need an ego boost by befriending complete strangers over the Internet, people that they have no intentions on talking to. Why? What’s the point? I get the whole social networking thing…but how is Achmed, The Dead Terrorist, going to help me improve my standing with the Internet world? How is Shigeru Miyamoto, the creator of Nintendo, going to help me network when he barely speaks English?
10) The “Know-it-all”
I’m adult enough to admit that I have shortcomings, and I’m sorry to say that I fall into this particular category. I can’t help it that I’m awesome and know everything. What I don’t know, I Google, then leave comments on someone’s post and make it sound like I’m an expert on the subject. Perhaps it stems from a need to feel useful, or maybe I’m making up for the constant ego bruising I get at home (which is all in good fun, for the record). The “Know-it-all” might be annoying, but you should take comfort in the fact that in most cases, they are probably right. I know I am. Constantly. Because I’m awesome. All the time.